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Thursday, August 22, 2002
every night when there is a clear-lit sky, i look for a glimmering star shining above to make a wish to find the one for me. still i am waiting for it to come true. when other couples i see hold hands, i wish i had someone to give my hand to. when other couples i see kiss, i wish i had someone to touch my lips with. when other couples i see are happy, i wish i could share happiness with someone. but i only feel emptiness and loneliness trying to be patient for that someone to find me. when other couples i see hug, i wish i had someone to put my arms around. i can only walk with a frown wanting to love and be loved by someone special. when will it be my turn to feel this way? will my wish ever come true? all i can do is wait for God to bring him to me and when He does, i will be able to feel these feelings.
last night, i was looking through my collection of b-day, xmas, v-day cards that i had received throughout high school when i came across a notecard that my fren gave me in 11th grade. on that notecard was written the words seen above. i didn't get to REALLY read it until now. and it's amazing because it totally relates to me. and i know a lot of other people feel that way, too. my friends who know me really well know that when i fall for a guy, i tend to fall really hard. i do all these crazy things just to get that guy's attention. sometimes it works and sometimes it backfires. i have this way of thinking that i don't want to wonder "what if?" what if i had told him how i felt? what if he felt the same way. so i do what makes my friends shake their heads and sigh. i tell the guy straight out how i feel and see what happens from there. but now, i'll try and do things differently. i'll be patient. and wait. let's see how long that will last. =)
i once asked my guy friend, 'perfect guy', "if i told you i was falling for you, would you catch me?" his response? "i would, because you're my friend, and i would, because i don't want you to get hurt." sweet, huh? we're close friends now and i wouldn't want it any other way. because sometimes risking a friendship for a relationship isn't all it's cracked up to be. think about it.
on a brighter note, i have one week and one day left of work. then three weeks of vacation after that. looking forward to this weekend. two birthday parties of two close friends. last minute shopping. okay, that's about it... GooD NiTE!
Mae 10:48 PM
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