Smurf Into My WoRLd

wowie. since it's spring break and since i have time to do misc. stuff, i read some of my past blogs. it's pretty cool to look back and see what you did or how u felt months ago, just by the click of a button. give it up for technology. ::applause:: haha neways. a lot of things have changed, like past crushes. like, oh gosh, i can't believe i used to like him. what the? or, wow, i actually did all that shiznit in just one week. it's weird how some weekends there's not much to do besides homework and you're just so bored and then there are some weekends where everything comes up and you get to do a grip of fun stuff in a small amount of time. just like the past few days, which have been basically chill. i know in due time a grip of fun stuff will pile up, like on friday and next friday. yea! friends have been asking me what i want for my birthday. and honestly, i really don't know. always in need of money, of course, but that doesn't have any sentimental value. this year isn't as big as last years was. last years was huge. and i was stressing. big time. this year is so different. no stress. just laid back, chill. but no meat. sucks. oh well.

having all this free time has got me thinking about stuff. esp. about guys. i have a habit for going for the not-so-right-for-me guys. and when there's a chance to actually get into a relationship, either one of us isn't ready for it. then drama happens. and it hurts. and i end up being less ready for a relationship than i was before. talking to old friends these past days reminded me of that. and looking at past blogs reminds me of things that haven't changed. take this for example, last halloween..[(the guys) went to play foozball (sp?) but didn't want us to hang with them. then we watched "the others." after it was over, the guys from .... came back. and my suitemate and i got really mad at them. freak! first it was the ... and now it's certain guys .... who are starting to bug. acting all shady. flaunting their stuff cuz they think they're so cool.] that was halloween! how many months ago?! five months. and things still haven't changed. they have their way of making you feel out of the circle, basically, with their inside jokes and sarcastic comments. and i'm always trying to be nice to them, thinking that they're just trying to keep up with their image or something, and that they're actually good friends. but most of the time i end up getting hurt. or even cry. i'm putting myself out there and all i'm doing is getting hurt. i don't know why i do that. maybe cuz i think that one day they'll actually show the goodness in them. cuz yea, there are times when it's really fun hanging out with them and i've had some good talks with them but when they're all together, they put out this vibe that makes me feel really uncomfortable. and one of their friends, i'm not even friends with anymore. which is sad to say. but that part i'm okay with. shiznit happens, took a risk, gotta pay the consequences. which was our friendship. ::sigh:: maybe by the end of the year everything will be all good. and that's a big maybe. maybe i should stop trying to be so nice to them. but i can't help it. i don't know.

i'm going w/kuya paul tomorrow morning to state. gotta wake up early, though. yuck. gonna visit one of my best frens, steph, while kuya's in class. then he's gonna show me around campus. maybe see some hot fellas there. more than at ucsd. fo sho, haha jk. anticipating friday. i don't know, whatever. why does spring break have to be so short? the weather is soo nice. makes me so not want to go back to school. spring break is halfway over, if ya think about it. freakin A! but that means fusion is coming soon. something to look forward to. the dance routine is pretty cool. having fun learning/practicing it and meeting new people. and i'm gonna go there for free. yea! okay, that's about it. GooD NiTe!

Mae 12:10 AM